Special Announcement: Becoming Bhakti Yoga Workshop – Saturday 13 October 2018 2pm-6pm

Liz of Renewed You Yoga is back in Southport offering this one-off special yoga workshop – Becoming Bhakti – on Saturday 13 October 2018 – 2pm-6pm!

Liz has spent the last 12 months living, breathing, traveling and yoga-ing around India, discovering a deeper connection through yoga and meditation to herself, and to the light and love that rests within us and connects us all. The practice of Bhakti (the yoga of devotion) slowly led and fed Liz with love and discovery of sound & soulful practices such as nāda yoga, mantra and Kīrtan.

During this 4 hour workshop, Liz will guide you inwards to your heart, to a place of love and compassion, as you explore a variety of tried and tested (and more importantly, enjoyable and fun) practices which have guided her on this last year.
ITINERARY

1:45 WELCOME and registration
2pm – 3:30pm
Becoming Bhakti begins with a heart opening Hatha yoga class including Akhanda Kundalini kriyas (sequences) to connect to your heart chakra. This session will end with a guided mantra meditation alongside the soothing sounds of the harmonium. 

BREAK 
3:45pm-4:45pm
Experience the supportive sonic sound environment of Nāda yoga – the yoga of sound. Guided by Liz, accompanied with her harmonium, to find and connect to your voice, and the meditative power of sound vibration using breathing and vocal toning techniques. (No singing ability or experience is needed.) 

This empowering super sound session will end with Kīrtan (traditional Indian community folk music & devotional song).

BREAK – for tea and cake of course!
5pm 
Liz will lead an informal discussion about ‘What Becoming Bhakti’ means to her, sharing techniques and tools, and explaining how Bhakti yoga can help you find more peace, love, contentment in your daily life. This is also an opportunity to ask Liz more about her travels, her personal experience of yoga and India, and how she is continuing to surrender with devotion to Bhakti yoga and grow into her spiritual name, Kīrtan Devi, (given by her guru Yogrishi Vishvketu in Dec 17). 

5:40pm-6pm 
To end our session together, Liz will guide us through the practice of japa mantra meditation, again, immersing us in another simple, yet effective practice of Bhakti yoga to send you home, soothed, refreshed and feeling all the love.

6pm CLOSE
TICKET/BOOKING OPTIONS

There are two options for attending this workshop & you are very much encouraged to attend the whole afternoon workshop from 2pm-6pm.
OPTION 1 – THE WHOLE EVENT
The workshop begins with a traditional Hatha/Kundalini yoga class which involves yoga asana (the postures) and physical movement. This class is suitable for all levels including beginners so please feel welcome to join in even if this your first yoga class! (Please notify Liz before booking if you have any health conditions which you believe may impact you accessing this part of the programme). 

OPTION 2 – SEATED SOUND SESSIONS 3:30pm-6pm
However, if you would prefer not to attend the first session involving physical movement, then please do not be disheartened – you can still explore Bhakti yoga with Liz! The sound based yoga sessions from 3:30pm onwards are all seated activities only and accessible for all. And you won’t miss out on the tea and cake!
TICKET PRICES

£30 per person for the OPTION 1 -the WHOLE EVENT (including Hatha yoga, kundalini yoga and mantra meditation – physical movement required) from 2pm-6pm. 

£22 per person for OPTION 2 – SEATED SOUND SESSIONS for those wishing to explore the yoga of sound section of the workshop only) from 3:30-6pm.

HOW TO BOOK

Please message Liz directly to book onto this workshop either through Facebook or by email: LGYogaSouthport@gmail.com. 
Full payment in advance is required and Liz will send you her bank details upon hearing from you. Your place will only be confirmed upon receipt of payment in full.
Should you book on this event, and be unable to attend, 50% of the ticket price will be returned to you if less than 24 hours notice of cancellation is provided. Otherwise, full refunds will be made available. 

WHERE IS THIS EVENT?

Liz is delighted to be returning to her home at The Dairy Holistic Hub, 91A King Street, Southport, PR8 1LQ. Please note there is no parking available on site but plenty on the surrounding roads. 

Liz looks forward to sharing this event with you, and the profound healing and joy of these unique yoga practices. 

Namaste.

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Faith Energetically Alters Reality – FEAR

Here are some of my fears:
*Before I left for India in October 2017, I was scared of singing anywhere outside the privacy of my car as I hurtled down the coast road. However, a few weeks later and into my 300 hours yoga teacher training I was provided with the spiritual name Kirtan Devi and encouraged to keep singing! As a good girl I followed instructions and you may well have seen me on the beach crooning with the cows… Well this week, I sent an amateur recording of me singing with my harmonium to a yoga colleague who is planning to include it in a yoga podcast! Grateful and bemused!
*I was fearful of cockroaches but I keep travelling with girls who are more scared than me so I have to ‘woman up’ and deal with their scuttling ways… (and scream for help whilst doing it). I also used to be scared of rats. But I just relatively calmly escorted one out of my room whilst writing this blog…
*I was scared that I would go home after this year in India without knowing what my life purpose is. And I was scared about what people would think and how I would ‘defend’ my choices to my concerned family and friends back in the UK. Well, guess what, I fly home in 3 weeks and I remain pretty clueless! 
*I was fearful that I would never connect to myself and experience orgasms. But this last month, I have experienced a fulfilling sexual and loving relationship, and I continue to explore the full capacity for spirtual and sexual orgasm that we, men and women, are truly capable of. 
*I was fearful people would laugh at me if they knew about my sexual fears and limitations. So I wrote a blog about it and explored tantric healing, and again wrote about it on the Internet.
*I was scared to go to Varanasi alone because it is India at its craziest but I am in the process of heading there solo at the weekend.
*I am scared in headstand that I’ll fall and hurt myself…because I have before! I once crash landed on the edge of a coffee table – don’t recommend it. But today for the first time in about 5 months I got back up in headstand, against the wall. And I understood that this asana shows me how I still need to develop full trust in my body and how fear can still limit me. And to be mindful of my movements, slow down and ensure that there are no coffee tables around….
*I was fearful that I was going to return home to the UK with no money. And after spending a small fortune on 10 weeks of unforgettable and priceless yoga teacher training this year, being rinsed at a private hospital in Delhi (without valid travel insurance), not working for 47 weeks of the last year, but proceeding to eat enthusiastically around India and Nepal, I am returning to the UK with approximately £2,000 to my name. AND armed with a plan to spend all of it on more travel and on a Women’s Circle Yoga Teacher Training course in Thailand in December…. 

*I was scared of hurting my mother, my family and friends who miss me, because I wanted to continue travelling instead of trying to ‘make life work again’ in the UK. But after admitting how I felt, even my mama supports me in following my heart and my dreams, on the proviso that there’s a long lingering overdue cuddle coming in October. 
So you could read the above and think ‘well, this girl has gone totally crazy!’. And that’s one perspective. The other is understanding that I have already taken a leap of faith. And because of living a life in faith, and believing in love, I have committed to trusting the Universe over this last year. And I cannot and do not want to stop now because I feel so much happier and more contented with my life, and in myself (more importantly) than I ever have before. I have surrendered into the unknown and I have begun to trust that fizz of excitement in my heart that has led me into every extraordinary encounter of this last year.

 
Faith means trusting that the Universe wants me to continue to heal, and to continue to find my way, blindly it appears at times! It is testing me to develop trust, patience and faith. To develop my skills in listening to my heart, to my intuition, and to my fears, so that along the way I will be able to offer you more as I continue to seek how best to serve God. 
Fear holds many of us back – it can paralyse us, cause our breath to quicken and our courage to falter. But Faith has Energetically Altered my Reality. It has begun to release me from my misunderstanding of fear and it has led me, inch by inch, closer to realising my dreams. It has brought me love, laughter, pain, release, magic and song. It has brought me new friendships, new beliefs, and the insight to know when I am holding myself back. Fear is the mirror of Faith, it is the opposite of trusting your heart, and that’s why I am so grateful for all of my fears, even the ones that still plague me, because they illuminate what my heart truly wants. 
My fear that I cannot afford to travel for much longer shows me that I want desperately to have the continued freedom to explore this amazing World and eat copious amounts of Pad Thai.
My fear that I am running out of time to meet someone and have lots of sex and babies shows me that I want a family, and that I need to be open, honest, and available. Fear of it not happening showed me that I am actually  ready for it to happen now. I am ready to gamble with my heart all over again, for the biggest prize of all – my own family of love. 
So I invite you to consider what your fears are and to ask yourself what are they actually trying to show you- what is the message from your heart that the slight panicky feeling of anxiety is disguising? Because you can go beyond your fears too, and you can also learn to decipher the language of fear, and translate it into Faith. Fear, like everything, also changes. Your fears now are not the same fears you had when you were 5 years old, unless you still believe the bogey-man lives under your bed! For me, it’s appears to be a rat….
We have the choice whether or not to become beholden to our fears. And instead, I offer you the idea to welcome them, make friends with them and listen to what they are trying to show you. Because having Faith in yourself, if not in God, changes the energy of fear and the impact on your life choices. Ultimately, I have found that faith in something greater than myself has set me free of the trappings of fear, and it does indeed alter your reality. 
And this is why I decided it’s time, again, for another leap of faith. This time to Thailand. This time with less expectation. And this time with less fear of what will happen, because I have faith that it is all for my own good. Because I have come so far in learning how to dance with Faith and Fear and surrendering to it all. 

With love.
Xx

Becoming Bhakti

There have been two places I knew I had to visit this year – one was McLeod Ganj, returning to that special, scenic, soothing reading and tea drinking spot of October 2015. The other was Leh – the unknown land of lakes and Himalayan mountains.

What has become clear upon learning in and leaving both of these beautiful places is that I was surely guided there by my intuition. I was guided there by the Universe. Because magic happened. Healing happened in both places.

Quite quickly into my year trip in India I realised my soppy sappy defensive heart yearns for connection to God through Bhakti yoga – the practice of love. In order to connect, you have to be open hearted, vulnerable and surrender in devotion, and it’s fair to say my heart has been carefully wrapped under dense anxiety ridden protective layers for most of my life and it’s been an active healing process with 3 years of camel pose (a heart opening asana which I no longer boil with rage through), chanting and changing how I treat and feel about myself with self love and self care, using mantra and song to connect to the sensual, expressive energy of the Goddess Lalita, and by learning how to trust love in all its glorious forms.

I’m a rather impatient overachiever – and it’s fair to say I’ve expected to blast through this spiritual process with the same ruthless charm (I hope) as I attacked half marathons, & job interviews in the Legal world. And I was frustrated every time I would hear that healing, that ‘The Path’, all unfolds in its own time and when you are ready – at the right time.

But those wiser souls were correct!

My heart was blasted open in my 7.5 weeks in Leh. And I’ve been taught how to hold my nerve through the magical movement of life (and the nauseating night bus back to Manali) and truly surrender to a new found understanding of love.

I have been healed and held by the beauty of the mountains, the icy cold streams and motionless clear blue lakes. I’ve been safe at home within myself, and the home of my sweet guesthouse, being force-fed extra meals and chai by the family there. My heart has been warmed by the beauty of new friends, fresh ladakhi bread for breakfast, beside bonfires, beneath stars and through countless rounds of shithead (the ONLY card game for people who enjoy smugness) and, finally, by the tremendous connection with one particular charming Italian man.

There’s a quote (I think by the spiritual legend Ram Dass) that if you think you are enlightened, then go live with your parents. (Did that.. and it confirmed my suspicion that I’m not anywhere near….) I say, if you think you’ve healed your insecurities around love, then go let someone into your heart.

For the first time in a very long time I met someone who mirrored the dreams in my heart. Who spoke about wanting a big family, travel, the adventures, the dogs and the daughters. Who could even imagine me as a mother lying beside my baby girls, caressing me with tiny little hands of love. A man who as a result of his grounding, affection and sensitive presence made me stop hiding under bluster and confront the aching truth of my own heart.

My dreams of love, of a husband and children are something which I’ve tried very hard for years to be ok with not existing, and I’ve been finding contentment in life without them (you know, just in case I run out of eggs, use up my funny lines and my relatively pert boobs surrender to gravity, and towards my knees) but which in the face of this most recent heart obliterating process is simply not the truest reflection of my heart’s desires.

My heart has been continually shattered since I surrendered to wherever the path of yoga needs to take me. So, what do you do when your heart is raw and thudding achingly with another deepening crack despite a long held fear of love? Well, if you are like me, you cry, you breathe and decide to keep it that way. I have surrendered into the messy pain of the unknown & the sick pain of heartache and goodbye. I have surrendered all of the emotion and snot to the Universe with gratitude that this man even existed, and that he came into my life and heart not once, but twice. That he ignited my truth – the one I’ve tried to be better and braver than.

That after a long year of self healing, self exploration and self love I give thanks that the Universe answered my prayers and sent me a man, a connection, when I was ready to embrace it. That I spent 3 glorious weeks with someone who inspires me to want even more from this life. To believe I am capable of more – of loving more, and perhaps of coming back to Leh to climb the mountain peaks that I’ve not felt quite ready for.

After years of dating, of ‘singledom’, it’s been scarier for me to finally meet a man who is emotionally open, to have my dreams reflected back in deep brown kind eyes, whilst accepting that the experience of being seen and held in the arms of an adventurous man always had a ticking temporary timeframe.

So it remains a true test in faith to see what happens in the unknown after saying goodbye to all the love I found in Leh. Perhaps moving on is necessary to create space for something else I need to learn in my last month in India? Perhaps I’m to use this experience to strengthen my resolve and faith in the loving guidance of God before I return home to the sometimes spiritually unsupportive value system in the West? Perhaps it’s to continue to develop my faith, manifest more, to wait again, and then finally be ready to welcome into my life truly what my heart beats for. At the right time.

If you trust love and understand its lessons then every type of love changes you – it changes the beat of your heart and I can no longer deny what I want thanks to the light, love and laughter this man shone into my life. Or, of how fearful I have been that it may never come true.

Love, like the mountains he climbs, involves risk and ridges. Perhaps it includes the death of your previous held beliefs, nerve wracking assents, scary knee knocking slides back down to Earth (ungraciously on your arse if you’re me) to dust yourself off and start again. Even the odd axe may be required to shatter your illusions, & those precious icy defences you thought kept you safe.

Love isn’t linear. It doesn’t lead to anything other than a deeper knowing of yourself if you are willing to face yourself – wholly and with acceptance of all that lurks within. Love is about experience and immersing yourself fully even if you know it’s temporary and no promises can be made. Because in reality they never can. Life constantly changes and you constantly have to learn to let go and begin again.

Sometimes you are held back from your plans to trek with a slightly dodgy tummy because you are meant to meet an incredible man in your guesthouse a couple of nights later, and then at other times your separate plans mean you have to say another red-faced snotty goodbye (me, not him). Love is knowing either experience is for your own good, your progression and learning about love. About how to embrace love when you have it. To give thanks. And to let it go. And to realise under the thudding pain of your beating heart that it’s all love at the end of the day. That the Universe wants me to heal, keep healing, keep loving and that’s why after months of self work, She, the Divine Mother, sent me a love, sent me a fellow dreamer, sent me a sign to keep manifesting, keep doing my practice, to keep doing the spiritual work but most importantly how to finally bear the honest truth in my heart. So that I can steer myself in love, to a future of love, because of Her Divine Love.

And that is Bhakti – a complete surrender every and all the time back to the loving guidance and wonder of the love of God. To accept the gifts in this life as they arise, to let them go when the time comes and to believe you are loved unconditionally. And finally, through all of the lessons of this last year, I know I am.

With blessings and love to you. And in particular to those beautiful souls I shared ‘home’ with in Rai Wa guesthouse, Leh. X

Lessons in Leh

Plenty has been going on in the last month and since I last posted my blog about sexual healing. In fact, as I sit here and contemplate what to write about today, I am astounded by all that I have done in one month!

Exactly one month ago I was taking part in the women’s awakening circle, which awoke a lot of shit buried deep in my psyche and in my soul. Thank you Kāli! It also stirred up a deeper connection into the feminine energy led world of Tantra which uses healing techniques such as full body massage to evoke pleasure and release. And I am talking FULL body people! I have confronted and understood the deeper effect of some painful sexual demons and begun to let them go.

Practically speaking, I have also survived a night bus to Manali (during which they gave out sick bags which made me MORE apprehensive, not less. It went unused chums). Within the next 48 hours, I survived (and actually mostly enjoyed) another 18 hour bus ride from Manali to Leh which began at 4AM on notoriously challenging mountainside roads. The only point I wasn’t really fond of was the second highest pass we went over during which time it felt like my nasal passages had collapsed making breathing rather difficult, and I had severe stomach cramps leading me to believe that shitting myself (once again on this trip) was possible.. The cramps could have been down to the altitude and/or the copious amounts of snickers and crisps I had eaten to pass the time.. Who can say? As a result of pondering on that experience I am, presently, of the view that I may have to stay in Leh permanently as the bus back down leaves at 7PM and drives along those same notoriously challenging roads in pitch black darkness and my ability to sleep soundly in moving transport has been compromised for many a year now, without that added stimulant… ).

Since arriving in Leh, I have spent significant hours in cars with my travel companions – a Kiwi, a Brit/Aussie and a Delhi native, being driven around the stunning Himalayan mountains and desert Ladakhi landscape to the Nubra Valley to see camels, the Disket monastery and a HUGE GLORIOUS BUDDHA facing Pakistan in a gesture of peace. We got seriously giddy at the highest road pass in the World – the Mighty Khardungla at 18380FT and even got shouted at by Indian tourists for not queuing for photos at the landmark which we ignored, and then photo bombed – highly ironic and amusing…in the altitude. Fleeing before insanity set in, we spent further hours whirling around winding mountain top roads and deep down through green, lavender filled valleys, with rushing streams of water, towards Pangong Lake – the most pristine and freezing cold lake I’ve ever dipped a toe and squealed in. We ate so many dark delight chocolate biscuits with the local Kawa tea that I have PTSD from even seeing the packet in the shops. We then travelled to and trekked part of the Sham Valley – walking past galloping Ibex, taking the wrong route at EVERY possible crossroad and unnecessarily climbing more hills, laughing, playing countless rounds of shit head and eating my body weight in vegetable pakoras, daal and rice and Parle G biscuits! A rather different pace to my hermit life thus far in India!

But now, in this moment, I am alone again in the sweet guesthouse in Leh. Yesterday, the three cool kids I have been on the aforementioned whistlestop tour of Ladakh with all finally departed for their next independent stage of adventure. I recalled old advice for backpackers that when people move on, you should too as it can feel more lonely for a solo traveller to be left behind. However, I am now more wisened from all this travel lark. And I have also done a lot of work on facing, witnessing and embracing my emotions through yoga and meditation and I do not feel the need to run away from emotions such as sweet sorrow but nor do I need to let sadness, worry and loneliness overwhelm me like perhaps it could in the past. Post holiday blues are horrendous (and this is the inevitable roller coaster of regular change when backpacking because mini adventures with awesome people end All. The. Time!) Actually though, the worst blues I have ever suffered was after a 5 day hen do in Marbella which broke me in every way to the extent that I cried at my desk in front of my then boss when I got back because I was so exhausted and probably still a little drunk! Ah, I’m such a loss to the Legal world….Anyway, those are stories of old. I am focussing on the present moment!

In my last post, I talked about my resistance to receiving pleasure, in particular sexual pleasure which relates to the sacral energy chakra, based at your reproductive organs. It is the power house of creative flow and energy within us all. It relates to receiving sexual pleasure but also to give and receive pleasure in general. The sacral chakra and sexual freedom and enjoyment is also closely linked to the root chakra, the earth, base chakra located at the base of our spine. If we are not firmly grounded in our right to be here, then we cannot then fully accept our right to receive pleasure, and allow life energy to flow fully into our bodies and into our lives.

This morning, I realised, again, how often I can block myself from receiving pleasure, and not just between the bed sheets. I went down to the kitchen in my guesthouse to get hot water for my porridge and herbal tea from Tering (spelt all wrong I suspect) the woman who runs the house with her family, including two children, big shaggy soft dog and her mother in law, Dolma (again probs spelt all wrong). Dolma has the cheesiest toothliest grin of a little old lady I have ever seen. She speaks no English but shouts ‘Jullay (the local greeting) with such joy I feel special every time. I feel we bonded particularly when I had to mime to her that someone had shat all over the shared bathroom…

So anyway, water and breakfast. I went down and she was frying momos for her husband. I tried not to get in the way of her in the small kitchen and boiled the kettle but she still managed to attend to the hob, and scold me for the way I poured water into my flask! (She’s only 6 years older than me!) She offered me mint tea as I waited for the kettle to boil – I said no. I didn’t want to be a bother, she was busy. As I poured my water (seemingly incorrectly) she served up her husband’s momos and then she offered me some. And I went to say no, again, but I realised that my attempts at being polite were restricting me from participating in this lovely moment and as you probably know, my belly rules it all, so I wasn’t going to say no to free veg momos! I sat in the little family living area as Dolma grinned at me and polished and dusted around me (that woman doesn’t stop moving) and I waited as my momos were fried off. Tering then brought me mint tea too – overruling my earlier awkward polite refusal.

Whilst munching on my momos, I took in my surroundings, sitting low on the day beds along the edges of the room, their tiny decorative china bowls and cups on display, alongside huge steel cooking pots – seriously so many that I can’t imagine how and when they are all used. I sat looking out of the little wooden windows through to the budding apricot trees, as the odd lone magpie flew past (yes, sorrow) and for 15 minutes I ate breakfast, drank tea, and watched this little family do its daily work, with the young son coming in and out (school holidays) and I drank in all of this experience. The momos were stodgy and delicious and not quite the healthiest start of the day!

After I had finished Tering drew me into conversation with her as she fried chapatis and I felt welcome, I felt at home, and I felt grateful for saying yes to this small, insignificant opportunity that again showed me how sometimes, I can hold myself back out of politeness, out of denial of pleasure, and that saying yes, that allowing people to take care of me, treat me, give to me, is still something I need to soften into.

There are many ways to deepen your insights into your self – to understand how and why you operate how you do in this turbulent and challenging world. And that is all a spiritual path is – it is about coming home to yourself, healing your particular traumas, blockages, accepting and learning to love your dark sides as much as your ‘strengths’, or socially approved behaviours and emotions. And it can happen deep in meditation or over a plate of momos for breakfast. All you have to do is become aware of your reactions, your feelings and the underlying needs.

With the absence of my dear departed companions, I have felt sad (yes, magpie), grateful and apprehensive about what comes next for me. These feelings have arisen based on my need for connection, inclusion and security. But in that moment of the momos my needs were met, and I know and I am reminded that the Universe always supports us, always guides us and that the ups and downs of emotions during travel reflect the ups and downs of emotions during life. Like the Himalayan mountains, once you have climbed, clambered, and sometimes wheezed your way up to the top and taken in a beautiful vista, you always have to come back down, sometimes skidding on your arse, before you climb your next ascent. Such is the mountains, such is life. Such are my lessons in Leh.

With love, Liz x

The unseen sexual twist of this spiritual tale…

I have often searched in the words, stories, experiences of others, teachers & friends, for comfort on this spiritual path. I was told during my first yoga teacher training that we each are unique and follow our own path. I was also told that the most important part of this process is to go within and listen to your own heart, to your inner guru, and that is the best guide in the darkness of the spiritual Unknown. I understood these words at the time. And I repeated them often to students, fellow teachers and friends. But until this trip away, this trip alone, this trip into myself, I didn’t quite understand or feel the whole truth in these words.

Yoga began for me much like it does for others – in the gym. Wanting a flatter stomach, less flabby bingo wings and a certified nap after exercising. And that’s what I got! And that can be as far as some people go with yoga in this life. And that’s good. It’s the first step on a healing journey to your heart (even if you don’t accept that, want that or feel that. It just is. Sorry!)

It has also been said to me that the best teachers teach what they heal within themselves, & they teach the people from where they came from. So for the last 3 years I have been motivated to teach Hatha yoga to help busy, breaking Western people, with stressful lives, careers, relationships, social engagements and toxic eating and environments, learn how to de-stress. To learn how to slow down. To learn how to breathe. I have also connected with women by and through teaching pregnancy yoga. And through all of these practices I developed more awareness and understanding of myself, as a teacher and as a woman. I am empowered by the wonder of a what a woman’s body can do, what MY body can do. I have snuggled babies and helped new mothers and witnessed the love, that unconditional love between them, that continued to melt the defensive shackles over my heart.

I began to get braver as I built community. I set up a studio, I formed alliances and I connected with women and men alike. And again, through this yoga, this union, I grew. I opened up to more and shared the power I felt of mantra, of chanting, of Bhakti yoga (the yoga of devotional love) in kīrtans (devotional singing circles). I turned my fear of embarrassing myself into love and free expression. And the love within grew.

But this was all helping to clear the first layer of defence. The layer of trauma from my corporate compromise and illness. It was necessary to help me re-start my life and start off on this spiritual path.

Yogic practices began to take me into the pain and trauma of my childhood and into ancestral healing, feeling & acknowledging that our parents, our grandparents, our great-grandparents, etc were only human, and could only do the best they could with the tools they had been provided with by their ancestors before them, and as a result of the karmas, and traumas they personally experienced in their body and soul. For me, 2015 was about forgiving the men in my life who had hurt me. 2017 was all about the women. It transpires that this trip has always been about discovering and healing the Great Feminine as I’ve followed the breadcrumbs of the Divine Mother’s trail. But I had no appreciation of the depth or wildness of this path when I left the UK.

They say the path to take is obvious but I remain unclear or unconfident in my ideas. I have stumbled so many times on this path, I have ignored my intuition, and I have felt isolated, alone and confused – for years! So I still doubt that I know best. My mind still undermines the burgeoning connection I have now with my heart. I have done two different yoga teacher trainings since I’ve been away and I was hopeful, desperate at times, that they would lead to an obvious role for me, back home, or anywhere! But recently as I’ve sat in the practices I love – Hatha, and Bhakti, I realised I was becoming less sure of what my next step is, of what my offering is. And again, in my recent śakti awakening women’s circle experience, I could see myself leading and offering that too, but this time, I just sat in the experience rather than wondering if it would lead to my next job title.

However, there is one thing I know for sure, I have always been a gobby feminist, whatever role I was performing so far this life. Recently, I remembered that in October 2015 my pregnancy yoga teacher pointed out that I had remarked in class that my purpose was to ‘serve women’. And I’d said this sincerely to the group but without giving myself the benefit of truly listening to myself, to my heart! I have always mothered my friends, cared for and cooked for them, and loved listening and offering advice to those who seek it from me. And my call to music, through my harmonium, is a new deep connection to the unconditional loving feminine energy.

Singing Kīrtan in India was the first time I truly paid attention to the different feelings in my heart and noticed in myself and in others that nothing felt more right to me and more connected than when I sang songs to the Divine Mother. I love the other Bhakti boys – Krishna, Śiva and Ganesa but my heart belonged to Ma. From that connection, I knew I wanted to explore the powers of the Tantrik Goddesses and delve deeper into the Bhakti yoga of love and Tantra, and it didn’t take long until I was guided to the playful sexual energy of the vibrant Goddess Lalitā. These goddesses, that I have begun to talk of like friends, are used as ways to understand and connect to the energy they depict. I do not literally dance with Lalitā but her sexual energy, the energy of pleasure, has begun moving through me when I sing to her and when I chant her name. This is known in the yoga world as a kundalini experience and it happens when the energy of the subtle energy body begins to rise up, up to connection with the Divine. And it is not easy for me to process that this is happening to me. Because I have never felt or contained this level of energy in my body before.

You see yoga will dig through the dirt, the layers of crap, to get to the root of your block, to the core of your defence to receiving the love of the Universe. And once you begin to move energy, once you commit to a disciplined practice of moving energy (which is what yoga asana, pranayama and meditation are all for), it will move where it needs to go. And you cannot control it. The reason I’m sharing this, the reason I’m taking so long to get to the point is because my spiritual path has reached a crux point. It’s reached its climax, unlike me.

Many of you may have heard of Tantra. It has been derided now as ‘sex yoga’. That may be, in part, because in the West, and probably the whole World, sex is no longer considered sacred or spiritual. Tantra, as a teaching, is about the total union of masculine and feminine energy in spiritual sexual connection to the Divine. As in Hatha yoga, we do not deny the needs of the body, of the human experience, but rather embrace the power within and work with the body, & cultivate sexual energy for spiritual connection. The rising of kundalini energy is the rising of sexual energy. The orgasm is the ultimate surrender. The ultimate devotion. The ultimate expression of love. And kundalini leads to spiritual orgasm.

But my story of not ‘being good enough’ has many layers of deep denial. And the main most frustrating and upsetting effect on my life so far has been my inability to have a ‘proper’ orgasm. To doubt my connection to my own body, and to believe I have been kept out in the cold because I don’t deserve the love and pleasure other people presumably access all the time (do you?!) I’ve also been blocked by sexual trauma in my female ancestral line, and by my own unhealthy, but consensual experiences. And it’s only now that I’ve begun to acknowledge and feel within me the repressed anger and pain at sexual violence, repression and slavery of women, of women I know and love, but also of my sisters, of the women of this World.

There came a point in my time away when I realised I was going to have to finally confront this issue, for myself, but also to talk about it, share it and, perhaps one day teach about this! Because it is my healing path, and because I now understand that sexual and spiritual release are the same thing. And I was mortified! Not only do my mother and father read my blogs, but so do some ex-lovers, my best friends, and detractors. And yoga, my great saviour yoga!, was leading me to this point, of total, unhindered honesty and vulnerability about sexual pleasure, or the lack of it. And I’m British. We DON’T talk about sex!!!!

But this is the power of the Great Feminine and my story is part of the repression of female power, expression, & pleasure as a result of the patriarchy. It’s also because of poor choices I made as a young woman exploring her body and her urges, and saying yes when I really meant no. No, I just want love. I’m not ready for this. But my mind, my desire for social inclusion, my lust and reckless abandon, and my lack of love for myself motivated my active decisions. I was, and have been complicit in all the unsatisfying sexual encounters I have had. But there have been some good ones too.

I have also held this misunderstanding that in sexual negotiation, there’s a trade off sometimes – that you keep your man happy and that’s our obligation as the female in the relationship. And I’m not alone in somehow along the way inheriting that belief. I watched this TED talk (https://www.ted.com/talks/peggy_orenstein_what_young_women_believe_about_their_own_sexual_pleasure/up-next) which surveyed young women in the US who also felt and acted on this basis. As a result, I have suffered from a huge disconnect from my own sexual power, yearning and expression and so it seems have many other women and younger women. And this is why, this is WHY, I have finally decided I have to share my secret. And I have decided not to believe this is shameful, or that there’s something wrong with me but to instead embrace my vulnerability and belief in the strength of community. To trust you, dear Reader, to hold space for me as I heal and as I continue to test my theory that the power of honesty opens up cracks of light into conversations that we should be having together, mums and daughters, sisters, friends, fathers and sons, brothers – because no one benefits when we humans are unable to understand ourselves, our bodies, & our needs. It’s no wonder really that we live in an unequal society and what feels sometimes like a broken World.

I once worked in the Legal World which is a microcosm of the patriarchy. It is one of the oldest boys clubs. During my 9 years there, it felt to me that in order to be a powerful woman you have to behave like a man. Just think of Margaret Thatcher, our first female Prime Minister, the original ball-breaker. Be ruthless, be loud, take action. Don’t feel, certainly don’t cry and don’t consider taking too much time off if you have babies. Get back on the emails after that last push out, and be PROUD of that! Since leaving that world, and being nuzzled in the yoga world, I have begun to understand and appreciate the differences between masculine and feminine energy, strength and power. BOTH are needed. BOTH are felt and expressed differently, and that they also appear in men and women to different degrees of manifestation – to coin patronising patriarchal language from my culture – some women are more like ‘tom-boys’ and some men are more like ‘sissies’.

From sitting in and sharing my vulnerability and sensitivity, I have discovered strength in that honesty and I have provided others with the strength to acknowledge their pain, suffering or unhappiness. And that’s the start of effecting change. Just becoming aware of yourself, of your heart, of your suffering, of whether you are really compromising your truth to fit in the box that the patriarchy crafted for us all, men or women. Because this denial of feminine energy limits and punishes men too. Male colleagues were even less likely to show, & admit emotion and sensitivity (which is a human energetic process) and potentially be even more judged if they wanted to take time off to care for their newborn, rather than sweat long hours at the coal face with the other Real Men.

In order for me to progress further on my spiritual path, I have had to face the good, bad and ugly sides of me. To truly begin to acknowledge and feel the repression of myself, of my denial of the right to feel and receive pleasure. And realise that this has suffocated my self esteem, strength and light so that I’ve never truly stepped into all that I am as a Woman. That I do not trust men, I do not trust God and I do not yet trust myself to relinquish control and let the waves of love, of ecstasy take me over, whether that be in bed with a man, or in bed with my māla (prayer beads in case you thought this was some kind of vibrational device).

And so I continue to share this sexual truth, despite the shame colouring my cheeks and the fear swirling in my guts. Why? Because for the last few months I’ve been testing the waters with my truth, telling the odd yogini friend my suspicions that I have unexplored sexual territory. And many of them, single or married, also shared the same sexual suspicion. I sat in the circle of 6 women last week and introduced myself AND my suspicions straight off the bat. And do you know what? Other women felt the same as me too. So we could then discuss it. Release this secret into the ether and know we were not alone. And begin to share ideas on how to embrace this energy, how to improve upon our own individual experiences of feminine sexual energy and how to raise that for the benefit of the collective consciousness.

So this is why I’m facing my fear and talking about what feels like my biggest taboo. And this was not what I foresaw happening when I first stepped on to a yoga mat! I would have legged it had I known then what would unravel with each downward dog, and each OM. And I’m only beginning to heal this fear. I have circled it, I have begun to listen to it, to feel it and to understand why I have this blockage within me and begun to cultivate the belief that I do not have to be bound by it. God is showing me my body can handle her love, her energy, when I am ready to surrender to it. I am staring right at my fear, I see the game I am playing. And I have begun to scream and release generations of pain. I am doing the practices that keep my heart open, and I am praying to the Divine to help me continue to surrender this huge block both on my sexual path and spiritual path – because they are the same thing. For me. On this unique path of mine!

I believe I will overcome this block. I am ready to believe in more for myself and for us all. I believe there will be a re-balancing of feminine values and energy because if it can happen within me, it can happen in my World too. I believe that by sharing this secret, I will help diminish the stigma around sex and women seeking and demanding their right to pleasure too. That one by one, day by day, women will rise in confidence, in their power, in their primal sexual energy and begin to take their place more fully in this World, with men, alongside men and for men too. I am not an angry feminist. I do not blame men for my shackles. They are my shackles to break along this path, to learn from, and to share so that my sisters can break theirs too. We need to share the truth of our repression. That we do not claim or stand in our full power in the patriarchy and we need to acknowledge that this repression affects us all – men and women and that it also affects our daughters, sisters, friends and lovers on such a micro but devastatingly primal level as what happens between the sheets.

In faith in love, I embrace another fear of mine, and I release myself by sharing it with you. And I pray to our Mother to be released further into love.

The evolving beat of my heart

A friend told me I should blog about my understanding of the love stuff. As I start to write this I must admit I feel more confused about what I know and don’t know than ever before. You see, I am in love with my best friend and I have been for a long time. Depressingly, I have kept myself trapped in this unrequited saga for over a year despite trying for the last 6 months to find some distance and move on.

This is not my first foray into the dizzying desperation of unrequited love. At 13, I fell in love with my kid neighbour and pretty much made all our parties miserable as I pined for him and dreamt of our love from across the room, as he quite rightly, tried to ignore me. I would mope to the best of Celine Dion (it was the 90s) and feel the agony of my tender little heart beating unloved. Or so I thought.

I have always been sentimental. Romantic. Dramatic. Clearly. But what I have also been is miseducated in the meaning of love. Miseducated by the early separation and divorce of my biological parents, miseducated by my biological Father not being in my life consistently, miseducated by the crud on TV, miseducated by Disney (my Prince will come) and miseducated by society – by adverts, friends, enemies, boys, naivety and our consumerist & celebrity culture.

According to my yogic understanding, I have also been operating under karmic patterns – with tendencies towards the dramatic & doomed aspects of love relationships (Mars energy), and to be distracted or drawn to tempestuous love affairs and inevitably burned (the fire of the Sun and that pesky Mars combined), and born to a family with the karmic pattern of divorce and an absent father due to my past life karma. My soul chose the family it did in order to deal with these lessons for my soul evolution in this life. Complicated hey?

In order to understand love, I believe you need to understand why we are here. We are here to evolve, as a species but also as spiritual souls. According to Western and Eastern science, we are all energy, radiating at different frequencies, made up of cells and atoms which are magnetically drawn together and fuse in different forms of matter – rock, cow, human, doughnut. (May not have found that last one in my yoga resources..)

So, what is love? Love is the energy of attraction. It is the pervasive energy within us all, it is the heart, the life energy, of everything. It brings us together in relationship and in community. We were created from love and we will return to love when we reach spiritual enlightenment. But my goodness we have a long way to go before then!

Relationship love is something we can experience in this gift of being human. It is not just partners, but includes the relationships we have, sustain and often destroy with our parents, children, and other relatives as well as our partners. Human relationships make us feel accountable to someone else – to believe (wrongly) that we are either responsible for someone else’s happiness, and/ or that someone else is responsible for ours. We place conditions on the love we provide, almost automatically, when we enter into these relationships. To be human and alive means you have experienced relationship love on some level. You were born to a mother, who may or may not have provided you with unconditional love, but in order to have become an adult someone was care-giving to keep you alive until you became self sufficient. That, even in a limited form, is still an expression of love. And that relationship came with expectation, pain, and lessons to learn.

I have experienced love, lust, unrequited love and spiritual love. I have felt in love with the world, I have felt a warmth in my chest, a contentment in my heart on a regular and almost daily basis for a while now due to yoga, and the practices I do. I have fallen in love with life and with love (or God or Universal energy). But it doesn’t mean I don’t long for a Partner and children. It doesn’t stop me wanting those human experiences of love that I see around me and yet feel beyond me. But perhaps that’s because I keep myself preoccupied with someone who doesn’t want to be in a partner relationship with me? Yoga is about taking responsibility for your soul evolution and that is what I am trying to muddle through.

We all can, and I, for sure, get snared up by ‘rejection’. When a relationship has failed, or a guy hasn’t asked for a second date, or just wants to be friends, I feel rejected, unwanted, unloved and unworthy. It compounds the limiting belief I have that I am not good enough. I wasn’t good enough as a child because if I had been, well then, why did my Dad leave and hurt me? If I am good enough now, why am I still single at 35 (nb: clock ticking childbearing age)? If I am enough now, why doesn’t my best friend, who values me, want more?
Can you see how the cycle goes? And we believe these stories. And we fuel them by attracting relationships (partner, personal, professional) that prove our limiting belief to be true, time and time again. We react in the same way, say and do the same things, and brace ourselves for the next round of disappointment. Because that’s all we know, and sadly, it’s how we feel safe – safe in our known victim status that we are not enough! I have believed my story for the last 34 years and I’m still now trying to excavate the root of this nasty limiting belief that permeates my life and keeps me from the one thing I truly wish to feel – LOVE.

When someone walks away from you, ends a relationship with you, or starts one with someone else, it isn’t because you are not worthy of love. It is because that person wasn’t for you at all or at that time. And that attachment you have acts as a block to the magnetic pull of love that underpins the Universe. By remaining attached to someone, you are, in fact, telling the Universe that you think you know best. You know what you need and what life should look like. And you don’t want to evolve, have faith, have patience and trust in the underpinning energy of love that is your birthright, that is your true nature. In addition to that, I am experiencing that developing trust in love involves acceptance that love will undoubtedly be offered to you, just perhaps in another form than relationship love.

Every break up, every disappointment, every challenge is a lesson in love and soul evolution – it’s an opportunity to firstly, eat vast quantities of pizza and ice cream, but after that, it’s more importantly, an opportunity to explore your own needs and feelings and to be honest about whether the relationship was/is really serving your highest good. Or are you holding on, settling, refusing to move on because of fear, mistrust or some other self denying belief.

On reflecting on my patchy path through relationship love, I can see that each knock helped to turn me towards Yoga and God. I wouldn’t have got to where I am today without those painful heartbreaking unrequited experiences. I was born to an absent father so I would learn how to evolve past dependency on men, on others, for love and validation. Because of the pain, I have become me, I have evolved as a result of every knock and dissatisfying relationship experience I have had with men, including male bosses. And if I am honest with myself, had my best friend wanted more from me before I left the UK, I would have prioritised that relationship love and not had this time away for myself which has given me the gift of falling in love with God, and knowing that there is more than one way to seek, feel and share love. And for that I can say, sincerely, I am grateful. I am blessed. Despite my heart still wanting more with him.

The shackles of my miseducation are being rattled. And perhaps I can shake yours too. There is more, so much more to experience in this life than just relationship love. I have felt it. Love is the connection to the source of energy within us and around us – spiritual love, and spiritual connection. And on occasion, I have felt the energy of love pouring into me and out of me, exposed, raw, and beautiful. I have felt soft love, like a mothers cuddle, as well as the inklings of spiritual ecstasy. And I have also closed back up to that love due to that pesky limited belief and the terrifying power of actually FEELING LOVE. And learning that I have to trust it, because as someone who has crafted the story that I have been denied love for 35 years, it is the scariest thing to embrace.

Spiritual love is truly the only form of unconditional love. Because in relationship love, we have expectations. Eg – I love my boyfriend but I have an expectation he will marry me if he truly loved me. And even the unconditional love of parent and child can hurt us – when a Father cannot give the love a child needs due to his own limitations and pain, when a child doesn’t love us in the way we want to be loved, or grows up and moves away, or chooses to join the circus and not obtain a doctorate (I personally would prefer the circus for my imagined kid!). I’m not suggesting the love doesn’t exist and remain there but it causes us pain within that relationship due to our expectation of how that love should be shown and felt. Because we expected that human relationship to make us happy. Whereas the only pain in spiritual love is realising when you’re not connected to it, and that it was always there and that you, YOU, were the one hiding from it THE ENTIRE TIME. That’s what I have felt anyway. And I am still hiding and playing kiss chase with God!

We have expectations or hopes of our fellow humans, even if we are not in relationship love with them. I love my best friend. But that doesn’t entitle me to have more from him than he is willing or able to give me. And it is my responsibility if I interpret that as rejection, and then feed it into my story about not being ‘good enough’. It’s important to feel all the feelings of love – the pain and the joy as that is how we evolve. And through the pain of a recent triggering event with him, I have realised I have the choice instead, to be grateful for his role in my life, in showing me that a man exists who shares my values, dreams and yoga love and laughs. A kind, sexy, spiritual man who enjoys my company, who supports my dreams and rambles. But it is ME who has interpreted that as meaning he’s the only man who can do that, the only man who is made for me. And with that limiting belief I reveal to the Universe that I still do not trust that I am being loved and guided, that I still do not believe I truly deserve love, and that I do not fully appreciate the love I have experienced elsewhere, and accept that everything is happening as it should for my soul evolution.

Because that again, is why we are here. It’s not to obtain a white wedding dress, have a party and a wedding album to signify love (not that they aren’t valuable parts of human life that I still want). It’s not necessarily to have children either. Women are here to birth and create but that can be other things than babies such as art, business and conscious community. It has often felt to me that there’s one ‘normal’ represented way to love and to live life and that resulting drive for a husband and children has caused me a lot of heartache and disappointment as I still sit without those things.

But if I lean into the love that is available to me, if I trust that love comes in many forms, then I feel content. I feel loved. I can accept that my best friend can’t offer me more, and I can love him still, without expectation (this is a work in progress folks). He has held space for me whilst I wrangle with my emotions, and he continues to respect my feelings and my need for space. His love for me is helping to set me free. And perhaps this is the best thing for my soul evolution. Perhaps that is the reason I met him and loved him. Not so we can have sex and babies but so I can finally compare my experiences of love, sit with the brutal truth that my love for him carries expectations, and to learn, painfully, to step through that and let the idea of relationship love with him go. It would be easier if he was a bit of a tw&t! But there in itself is growth and love. Despite the pain I feel for now, I also feel blessed to have him as my best friend.

Love isn’t a pretty pink picnic. It’s the messy glue and matter of the Universe, of our soul, of each of us. It is our greatest teacher, and our greatest gift, if we can learn to distinguish between real love, and love without fear and love without expectation.

Dedicated to all the lovers out there. Be brave. Be vulnerable. Believe in love Xx

Dedicated devotional surrender

Throughout my life I have often felt a sense of urgency – to get to University, to get a job as a Solicitor, to run faster, to be thinner, fitter, to stand on my head, to earn enough money to buy a house, to meet a man and have babies, to have good holidays but work hard enough to retire at a reasonable age (before this became practically impossible in the UK). And at some point throughout all of that I was to obtain happiness, a sense of purpose and satisfaction during this exhausting ‘gift’ of life. It’s fair to say at many stages I’ve wanted a refund.

Now, I know I’ve been swanning around with my backpack since October but I am not a work shy person – I think it’s my nature (apparently I have a significant amount of Mars & Sun energy – whaddya mean I’m feisty?) but also, in part, from my upbringing – a mother who encouraged my independence and autonomy and a stepfather who entered the RAF at 17 (who makes the bed with hospital corners like no one else), who still works full time at 69 and who believes `if a job is worth doing, then it’s worth doing right`. I’ve always tried hard to do this life right.

As you may already know, about three years ago, in the midst of insomnia, panic attacks and stress, I began to question the purpose of my life, of where I was heading (apart from to the GP regularly) and what the point of it all was. I had seemed to stagnate and was festering in a flow of working too hard and beginning to feel too old to ‘play out’ as hard. There was something missing. And through yoga I found a map to a yoga mat which over time led to a large flashing arrow pointing to a spiritual life. Then to a thunderbolt moment that there was indeed something MORE than the daily dirge. And in my relief, excitement and all that Mars energy I ploughed head first into that – building a business, building community and contacts, finding and setting up my own studio and building a new life for myself on what I thought were firmer foundations. It was only after I reached a ‘successful’ peak of working 6-7 days a week, working 3 jobs, taking no holiday (as I was building a business) that I began to suspect things were not as zen or any calmer than they had been in my first life this life.

The restlessness I have felt, the loneliness I have felt, has been hidden, buried deep under a dogged work ethic, a need to please people (or at least avoid their disappointment) and an endless thirst to understand myself and my purpose in this life. This unease would be brought to the fore with every break up, every apparent obstacle in my way and during illness when vulnerability crept in. It has been with me wherever I go, work, travel and play. It has been with me on the comedown of a fantastic holiday, or a fantastic date. It is the shadow as I remember how much I miss my friends and parts of my life in London, and selfishly, it has been triggered at each and every wedding of friends and family and with the birth of all the scrummy babies around me. And, it has haunted me for much of my travels as I have sat with the frustration that my way back home, and my way back into work remains unclear.

Yesterday, I had the honour of marking my 35th tour around the Sun. I celebrated all day culminating in an evening meal of an utterly horrendous veg sandwich and 8 chips. A meal to forget. A dear friend messaged me wishing me well, but also letting me know it would be perfectly normal if I was freaking out on my new stride towards 40. She knows my neurotic self well. Other friends sent me delicious photos of their babies sending me love & my little nephew sang happy birthday to me on a video (produced and heavily directed by Mother Dearest). And all I felt yesterday was love. I looked at the little bodies of the little people born to friends and family of mine and all I felt was warmth in my heart and wonder at their little selves, smiles and their lives ahead. That at 35 I am happy, content and loved despite the irony that I have nothing of material ‘value’ (except my very precious harmonium which I am dearly attached to). I am staring down my dwindling savings account, I am very much single, unattached and un-pregnant (a phase of womanhood?!). And that all these things have been not so friendly ghosts over the last few years.

But love has spooked the spooks! The greatest gift of my 35 years has been the gift I chose to give myself – the commitment to myself, to remembering to give myself space, time and relaxation. The gift of following my heart back to India and into yoga communities to be held, supported and given the opportunity to explore love, love for myself and God. Bhakti yoga has transformed my heart, my head and my thought processes. It is setting up firmer foundations than I allowed myself on my last tour of India. That love, mantra, positive thinking and gratitude has eroded so much of the negative self talk and limiting beliefs that kept me caught up like a dog repetitively circling and chewing its tail of lack, comparison and worry.

In December last year, my Guru gave me the name Kīrtan Devī which means devotional surrender. And as I sit and reflect on the last 7 months of travel, of yoga, of freedom from the shackles of ‘should’, of freedom from focussing on the ‘lack’ of things I have in my life (job, income, man, babies, avocados), I realise how surrender has helped me find peace with all I have now and all that I am. That surrender into love, the love of God, has helped me become a little more gracious in accepting my path so far, and the belief that whatever comes next for me is in my highest good – even if it involves a three night stay in one of Delhi’s delightful hospitals.

I do not know what will happen to me today, tomorrow, next month, never mind, next year. I do not know if I will meet someone and share a healthy human experience of love which has been pretty much denied to me this life, so far (karma is a bitch to work off sometimes). I do not know if I will ever carry, birth and love my own baby. But as much as I know I still want these things, I also know now that I am and will be happy without them. Because I am happy without them! That there is so much more available to me if I keep open to love in all its forms. That this life, in however it unfolds, is a gift, and that there are many ways to love, and to mother (I’ve been mothering friends of mine for years!) and that love is always available to me in this life. It is the source of life. And my life purpose is spiritual growth. And it has been the denial of those experiences I have longed for that has led me to this moment, to this understanding, to this soft feeling of peace (which I am trying not to scare away). For me, my life appears to be about sharing the truth in my heart with anyone of you who cares to listen. It’s about hopefully inspiring you to take a different look at your life and how you treat yourself too. It is about continuing to do the work, the practice, the mantra recitation, and keeping hope and faith in the greater good even on the difficult days, on the days I still feel a little lost. It’s about staying present, staying calm and knowing that the energy that connects us all, that feeds us all, feeds and sustains this life is love. And that in love, we are safe, loved, and provided with all that we need (including avocados).

So roll on 40, roll on life. I am enjoying and learning so much from the ride.

Namaste & thank you for reading.

Kīrtan Devī xx