Depending on what you follow on your Facebook Newsfeed you may be aware that last night was a Supermoon – meaning that it was closest to the Earth and supercharged with its power of reflection, intuition and illumination. In Hatha Yoga (Ha means sun, Tha means moon) we seek to balance the lunar and solar energies within us and despite my reluctance to go down the hippy route and begin howling with the moon, it does appear that certain changes in my life have been happening at this auspicious time. But it could just be mere coincidence or I am actually part werewolf…
This time last week I was sat in shock and sadness at my decision to walk away from someone special to me. Broken hearted and snotting at regular intervals I sobbed at the unfairness of the situation, the frustration, the loss of hope and the loss of that person’s company (including the dad jokes I had come to smile at. Just). The pain was intense. My chest hurt. My head hurt and I felt completely at a loss. I felt deep horror that break ups just don’t get any easier even though this isn’t my first ride on this sh1t show called romance… Doubting my self, my reasons for getting involved and my reasons for getting un-involved, reliving the trauma and the drama by telling friends and family the sad truth that it was over, and receiving their support, cups of tea, wine, cake, cookies, cuddles and immense kindness which only made me cry more.
But that foggy feeling has already begun to lessen as I focus more on me. Taking time to do my yoga practice slowly, to rest, to eat hobnobs, to walk along the beach, to let the emotions come and pour out of me, to feel it and then to let it go. To keep letting it go. I also began to try to stop the torturous dialogue of thoughts: ‘how is he’, ‘does he miss me’, ‘will he text me’ and started to re-focus my energies on how best to support me and consider what I have learned from the experience and what I am grateful for.
It struck me that I do not feel like a ‘victim’ this time, that I don’t feel that had I done more, been better, I would have been enough and our relationship would have worked. My past break ups have almost always crushed my self-esteem and left me feeling exhausted and too old and tired to dust myself off and try again. I had lost the love of love, of taking risks and of being bold. But that has changed and I have changed more than I had first realised. Because I know I am enough now. I know that I am strong and that this sadly had to end so something new can come. That I needed a mirror to show me how much more I love life than I used to, how much I want excitement, love and happiness and that I will no longer settle for grey. Don’t mistake me, the healing process is ongoing and the red wine consumption has gone up in the last week but I have a confidence in me that everything is going to be ok, and that I want to get up, get out there and keep moving forwards.
This supermoon is an opportunity for us all to refocus our intentions and to connect more deeply to our inner guidance and pursue things, people, opportunities (and biscuits) which make your heart sing. It’s a time to seriously look at what you are attached to, who you are attached to and consider if it’s really what you need. To consider if you are staying put, holding back or making reckless choices due to fear, worry or self-doubt.
I gazed at the moon from my living room window last night. Only for a little bit before I put the West Wing back on (yes, I am 10 years out of date)! I took in its glory and its symbolism and I smiled to myself at how the old ‘me’ would have considered this all to be completely crackers. But I’m less hard on myself now, I am more relaxed and I feel more connected to myself. In researching this supermoon (no, I don’t just make this stuff up) I stumbled across this beautiful quote from Rumi: “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray”. Not only has this supermoon helped me to re-group and re-focus my efforts and energy, it has also given me my class plan for this week!
I’m off to howl.